Saturday, 4 August 2012

When you'd rather be getting baked instead of baking

Let me be the first to say that so far TODAY HAS SUCKED CAMEL BALLS! I was happy, then I was sad, then I was ok, then I was depressed, then I lost focus, then I lost all will, then I gave up, then I ate junk food, then I went out and socialised a little and now I am ok again. Does that sound like a normal range of emotions for one person to go through in one day?? That's basically what I go through's absolute bollocks. I felt like my mind and my actions weren't connecting and on more than one occassion I wanted to cry. At one point today I got extremely angry and then felt so lost because I didn't know how to handle it and that in turn led to more frustration. I tried playing music, I tried having a shower, my usual calming methods weren't having any effect :( I really wanted to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers but then I'd just feel even more frustrated that I wasn't doing something productive :/ Such are the stupid inner workings of my mind! I really wanted to be honest with you about my feelings and thought processes today, but the words are getting jumbled in my head and won't come out right, ARRRRRRRRGGG!!!!!!!

The plan was that I was going to get up thismorning, have a coffee, then get into the baking I wanted to do today. I knew something was wrong when I had no desire WHATSOEVER to cook anything! Normally cooking is my emotional safety net, it gives me comfort and calms me down; didn't work like today!!! Nothing turned out like it should have, which I HATE because less than perfect isn't good enough. AND I didnt even get to have my coffee! Some would say that was the problem and my day may have worked out had I not missed my caffeine fix. I doubt it though.

It was definately a good thing that my darling husband managed to escape work a little earlier today, I so desperately needed his comfort today. It's so fantastic when everything seems to be falling apart around you, nothing makes sense and you feel at sea that one person can turn the sun back on in your heart! It didnt help the fact that I was still pissed off at myself for my baking efforts though!

Those are my tim tam truffle pops. I have made these a million times  before but did they want to work out today???? NO! I have had no problems in the past making a white chocolate ganache as an undercoat on my truffles, it's always been perfect consistancy and covered beautiful. TODAY however, it was gloopy, yellowish and frankly looked like a form of bodily fluid (sounds great right?)

I managed to slop shop bought cake mix into bite sized patty pans relatively normally....

My cupcakes were a little less neat but hey, the batter mostly made it into the cups so ALL GOOD as far I was concerned.

My butter cake then proceeded to dismantle itself upon attempting to leave it's pan. It obviously no longer wanted to live and offed itself. Which was of no help to me!!! Hubby enjoyed eating the bits of cake anyway, so not a total loss.

This is my table BEFORE I started icing everything. My table is now covered in bowls of coloured cream cheese, icing sugar and crumbs. It's also 12.05am in the morning and I am not really in the mood to clean it. Looks like I get to make a mad cleaning effort first thing in the morning! I hate that!! I hate not being organised when I was meant to be!!

I made my mini cupcakes all pretty with blue and purple cream cheese icing

By this stage it was 5ish in the arvo, and I was going to make fondant roses for my bigger cupcakes but ran out of time and will I made rainbow cream cheese icing instead.

These are my truffle pops in the fridge. I could only do half because the ganache kept dripping off so I needed them to harden before I could do the rest. I have not yet done the rest :/ So I guess I do that tomorrow too! I actually made them on sticks for the first time. And I had no styrofoam to stick them in so they're in a florist brick instead. The chocolate covers the horrid yellow white chocolate... so problem solved as far as I'm concerned.


So yeah... I dont even know where I'm really going with this anymore... Im uber despondant, my brain is frozen and the pinched nerve in my right shoulder is giving me hell. I am going to bed, that was my day basically, I'd elaborate, or be less vague and more descriptive my ability to formulate sentences has temporarily scampered. I should have given up around midday and had a beer instead.

Night all!

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