Friday, 26 July 2013

Frozen kiwi fruit and fat pants

As you may have read in yesterday's episode, our bar fridge (which is very unused to having actual food inside it) has decided that even on the lightest setting it's going Han Solo all my food. I used my noodle last night and actually left OUT the cheese and the avocado to have on my breakfast toast so I wasn't trying to manoeuvre frozen avocado out of it's skin with a plastic picnic knife. So that worked out. Do you think I thought to do the same thing with my vegetables for dinner? NOPE *facepalm*

*sigh* It's ok, I cooked my steak and my vegies and am currently having at them with great gusto. I figured since I'd bought some yummy golden kiwi fruits I should grab a few out to defrost in the meantime so I can have them with rock solid ice cream later (hey it needs to get eaten!) 

Ok.. so I sorted out my food problem (again). Now to fill you in... a few days ago I decided that I'd enough of trying to grow my hair and it was time to give it the chop. You know when your hair gets to that annoying mullet length and would nearly be long enough to put in a pony tail if only you were more patient? No? Well lucky you! I got to that stage, and I also got the point where I knew that trimming it myself as I had done for the past 10 or so months just wasn't going to 'cut' it (haha see what I did there). I trot on down to the hairdresser, park my large pregnant-lady arse into those awkward chairs and say 'I don't really know what I want, just something short and manageable that I can stick some gel stuff in and not worry about'. That was evidently the WRONG thing to say. Why? My hair, and to be fair I did ASK for short, is now almost non-existent. This particular style looks GREAT on other people... people with nice figures and angular faces.. not bloated, puffy, put-on-too-much-pregnancy-weight people such as myself. It just does. not. work. And no I'm not going to show you. It's too awful. I plan on living in beanies til it grows out a bit. I was out today doing some shopping and as I had been cleaning my apartment with a friend in preparation to move I was in my fat pants with my absurdly short hair and I rather large belly poking out the front. Now I have no problem with fat pants, fat pants are great! Particularly when you're fat... oh and by the way, on that note, if one more person says to me 'you're not fat, you're pregnant' I will hit them in the face with a wet Halibut. I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I was looking for giant sized knit wear, and oh god. I am too fat for my fat pants. There is no worse feeling in the world than realising you are too fat for your fat pants. I wanted to run away... I wanted to cry... I wanted to lock myself indoors and never have to see anyone ever again. It certainly did NOT give me the confidence to move almost to another state where family (or anybody for that matter) would ever see me. And NO I am not just too 'pregnant' for my fat pants. I am too fat for them. It is downright bloody depressing. As for the oversized knit wear, I bought two giant jumper things in size XL to frump around in. Hey they're warm, and they fit, that's all I'm really interested in. Except in one of them I look like a giant sheep and in the other I resemble a rather large bumblebee. But, as I said, they're warm and they fit. End of story. 

Do you know, it is one of the hardest things to come to terms with when you're a bigger girl and you're pregnant... the hardest thing is coming to terms with the fact that you are not one of those people who start small, grow a bump and snap back the next month after birth. You are curvy and errrm voluptuous to start with, and not overly happy with your current size, then you fall pregnant and find that weight just JUMPS on you from out of nowhere. It is a very difficult thing to accept. It's very hard to be comfortable with yourself and feel confidence. I'm not talking about the bump... I love my bump! My bump is amazing and it's part of me at the moment. It's the other weight that I'm referring to... and if I'm brutally honest today while I was out in my horrid haircut and fat pants I really felt very uncomfortable in public. Even more so than usual. It was a really difficult experience for me emotionally. I do not feel pretty, or that I'm glowing, or sexy, or attractive in the slightest. I honestly felt repulsive, and I stopped a moment to think about how I might feel in another month, or after our bublette is born and I couldn't fathom it at all. 
It's the most difficult thing I'm trying to deal with at the moment... it certainly isn't easy, and I know that for the time being I am growing life and my body will do what it will do and that I have little control over it. I also need to accept that regaining my self image and confidence after birth will be very difficult too, but I am doing my best to take it as it comes. 

Anyhoo, enough with the doom and gloom! One of my AMAZING friends came in today to help me clean our place and it is looking so much better! I'm feeling less apprehensive about the moving out of here part and now focusing more on the next stages of our journey. My husband is currently on the way back from Albury with the now empty truck and it's the realisation that this is it. My stuff is gone! It's in another place, and we'll soon be living in that place. Scaaary stuff! 

Another day down, another one to come tomorrow. Anything after that will just have to wait. Now though I am exhausted, my feet are swollen and I am going to settle down with my freshly-washed fur balls and watch some more Miranda whilst I wait for hubby to get home.

Goodnight lovelies! 

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Moving madness update!

Do you have any idea what it's like to pack your entire house in 4 days so all your stuff can get shipped into storage within the week?! I do!! Plans changed last Saturday and the moving truck was booked for Wednesday which meant everything needed to be ready to go. Amidst all the crazy running around sorting out our loose ends here that time went at 'Ludicrous Speed' and before I knew it, it was Thursday and I'm sitting in a mostly-empty unit wondering how the flip to cook my dinner with one tiny saucepan, a fried-egg sized frying pan and no meal bases. Did I think to leave one or two out to actually eat over these next few days?! No... no I did not. Because I am a derp.

Turns out all our copious amounts of crap didn't fit in the truck (whoops!!) so there is still random furniture about the place, the Christmas tree, the sandwich press and other bits lying around the place to go into storage here until we can get them at a later date. Which kind of means if we find a place to rent as soon as I'm hoping too we'll be missing a fair bit of our furnishings. Add that onto the stress of possibly not having a 'home' when the baby is born, the uncertainty of finding a new job in time, the thought of still having to CLEAN this place before we vacant and I am NOT a happy camper. I am minimalist camping at the moment and it sucks camel balls. It really does. I mean I have a bed and a bar fridge with meat, vege, cheese and fruit in it although most of it is currently frozen as the fridge hates me and obviously I have my laptop but geez Louis it's weird and VERY creepy in here! I'm on my lonesome til tomorrow night as hubby is somewhere between here and Albury with the truck to unpack tonight, and come back tomorrow (and holy cow is he going to be stuffed after that drive!). Well I have the puppies, and I have bublette but he isn't much of a conversationalist being in utero and all. 
I was supposed be tidying the place today in preparation to clean later this week BUT I decided a day out was a better use of my time.. so I had a fantabulous day out in the sunshine (and freezing wind) with my trusty buddy instead! We adventured around a pretty stream surrounded by sheep and cow pats, we invented a new pass time which involved sitting under a wooden bridge on a picnic blanket waiting for cars to drive over us (it's freaking awesome by the way!), we raided a candy store of all the sugary goodness and rediscovered a love for Cherry Dr Pepper (Cherry Cola is not nearly as nice) and had a pretty neato lunch. I can probably say that my day was considerably better than the previous days, and it was a much needed break from all the crazy. It does however make me really sad that I won't be here to do it again after next week though :( That part is uber sucky :(

Tonight after I work out my dinner dilemma I'll be doing some cupboard-wiping-out (fun stuff) because I can at least do that now and not have to do it again by next Tuesday (winning! wish more of this place was like that) but after that I'll be retreating into the electric blanket warmed mattress, watch Miranda, eat cherry flavoured candy and crochet some stuff to regain my sanity. Tomorrow I can't procrastinate and will actually need to get things done.


Thursday, 18 July 2013

Off into the wide green yonder...

Heeeey lovelies,
Hubby and I are moving! 13 hours away... whilst I'm 31 weeks pregnant... with 13 days notice...(all the 3's and 1's are a COMPLETE coincidence!). I'VE GONE MAD!!!! I 'spose to most of the people around us this has sort of come about rather suddenly, and really it has but moving has been on the cards for a few weeks now. Damn jobs really do dictate everything don't they? It's like this, our work contract runs out at the end of December this year and for a while we've been desperately searching for a new job to go to so we're not left up a certain creek when bubba bean gets here. It's been a crazy decision to come to, and especially on such short notice. It's either we waited around until our contract ran out and hope for something to come up with a new baby or we take a deep breath and go in search of other opportunities elsewhere before bubba gets here. I'm sitting here today after speaking with our real estate thismorning about breaking our bond with my head spinning and not knowing where to start... naturally I decided the internet was a good option and here I am writing about madness. I keep looking around at everything that needs doing and it takes me a moment to remind myself I'm rather heavily preggers and have some serious limitations on what I can physically get away with. *OH GOD* How is this ever going to work?!?!?!?! 

Annnyway, so we're off to Albury. In 13 days. *Hyperventilating* I'll be ok until this orange poppyseed muffin runs out. Maybe. Some baking may be in order... but dang haven't done the groceries yet. Bummer! Ok maybe not. Pregnant or not it's a huge step to make (and an expensive one) moving to a new place. It's especially hard knowing that the midwives I've gotton to know here won't be there for me and I'll need to adjust to a new hospital and new midwives. As someone who finds new situations quite confronting that is a very scary prospect. I know I'll manage somehow, you do what you need to do, but it doesn't stop those little anxieties taking hold in my mind. We'd just set up our nursery here in Armidale, it was starting to seem more real. I didn't realise how important it is to know that you'll have someplace to call your own, a home, somewhere to prepare for the arrival of a new family member until you're faced with the prospect of not having those things. If the few jobs we've applied for don't come through for us (although I have a good feeling about one of them) it will take longer and longer to rent a place of our own and that is absolutely terrifying to me. It's not like we won't have a roof over our heads, my husband's parents are very VERY kindly taking us in for a short time til we find our feet. I'm not sure if this is my maternal instinct or if I'd feel this way regardless, but I honestly cannot fathom not having my own space to bring baby home too. A new baby is a whole new adventure on its own! I don't know that I would be able to mentally and emotionally handle not being able to left to fumble through those first few weeks without other added pressures. It's so hard to explain, I'm probably not explaining what I mean very well. Of course this was something we had to weigh up as a possibility as part of making this move, but ultimately in the long run this is the best option for our family and we just have to take it all as it happens as calmly as possible. That seems so easy to say. 

It'll be so close to our due date, I am a huge muddle of feelings. Excitement, nervousness, a good deal of stress. These past few nights haven't been without their melt downs, I wish I could sit back and let the organisation go on around me so I wasn't as worried but I just can't do that darn it! 

This should definitely mean there will be lots of new adventures to blog about! :o) So yep...that's what's going on! Time to get up and get into it I guess. I'm not leaving you guys though, I take you with me! Handy thing this internet business isn't it?

Oh lordy where do I start on this mess? *le sigh*