Tuesday, 2 October 2012

A place in my mind

Welcome to the great unknown! The path you are about to take is packed with potholes, ravines, fallen logs, raining halibut, ravenous wolves, people who will hate you, people who will love you and people who just won't care. You will struggle, you will climb, claw, scratch, chew and limp your way at times; you will both fire a hand-canon and charge through the thicket brave, strong and true at times and you will be shot at, hide from the storm, take the hits and want to give up. Your thoughts are now your own worst enemy, you will feel both elated with every success and fall apart at the smallest dissappointment sometimes at the same time. One little comment can either send you soaring or crashing to the ground. The people around you can only support you at every other step, nomatter what they may say or do, this path is one you will take alone. No one can understand the struggles you will face.

You will learn to draw a line between cautious and paranoid. It will not always be clear, and it has the potential to break you apart. Sometimes you won't remember whether it was something someone said or whether it was simply all in your imagination. This WILL make your journey difficult. Your voice of reason will tell you that people can't be that cruel, perhaps they didn't mean it that way, perhaps you are overreacting. You will try to rationalise, but that voice of negativity will always push past and plant it's feet firmly. They DON'T care, they're just saying that, you know they're lying, they talk about you when you're not around...

You begin to question that voice, not in a rational way because the journey you take has no tolerance for reason. It will become your voice and eventually you will find you have no choice...it has consumed you and now it's all you are.

Leaving the house is impossible, you are too fat, too ugly and too unwelcome in the world. The world is a scary place, you're not sure who your friends are. You won't talk to anyone about this, why waste their time?

Today, this is me. Tomorrow may change, but I can't know. Welcome to the great unknown.

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